


Sweet Nothings

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bi Evan Hansen, Connor Deserves Happiness, Cute, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Alana Beck, Love, M/M, Secret Admirer, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Tooth Rotting Fluff, Treebros, Trees, galaxy girls, gayyy, heidi should be my mom, honestly just a bunch of fluff, idk how to tag this, implied eating disorder, pansexual zoe murphy, supportive parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Oh me? Oh I fell-“He stared at me prodding me on-“Out of a tree.” I finishedHe laughed, oh god, “You fell out of a tree? That’s like- the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”I swallowed and nodded trying to laugh with him, it’s not his fault he doesn’t know how easily I get hurt,  “no- yeah I know it is.”
Relationships: Convan - Relationship, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Treebros - Relationship
Comments: 27
Kudos: 127





	1. Treebros in the computer lab

**Author's Note:**

> Wow ok let’s go drink up some treebros ❤️
> 
> Ok idk if this is gonna be any good but whatever

My hands shake uncontrollably as I push the print button, I procrastinated as long as I could to finish this letter. In fact I hate writing- but these therapy letters are supposed to help me, so I reread it one more time.

Dear Evan Hansen,  
Turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be?  
I know, because there’s Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don’t even know, and doesn’t know me. Maybe if I could just talk to her. Maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different.  
I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?  
Sincerely,  
Your most best, and dearest friend, Me

I slouch to grab my backpack and head to the printer in the back of the room. 

The computer lab was almost empty- figures, it took me almost two hours to finish the one letter. I scan the walls awkwardly as I wait for the letter to print, there are those dumb motivational posters stuck on the walls anywhere you looked. Not that they really motivated me at all.

Looking over at the printer praying to god it prints just a little faster I hear someone call behind me. 

“Hey- Uh you!!” 

I turned quickly to the computers to see a tall boy. Wow, actually he was really tall. He had shoulder length brown hair and sharp features. Connor Murphy. 

I almost took a step back, the Connor Murphy was talking to him? The one who threw a printer at his second grade teacher? The one who everyone pinned as the school shooter? And the one who pushed him earlier that day? 

He saw me hesitate and gave me a look that almost screamed sorry, but could have been pity- if you squinted. 

“Look uh- Fuck. I’m sorry for pushing you earlier. I was just pissed at the kleinman kid.” He explained mumbling so the other students wouldn’t be disturbed, He forced a smile, and when I didn’t respond he continued, “Hes just really fucking annoying you know?”

My brain took a pause and I basically just word vomited on the spot,  
“Yeah he’s really annoying- uh and it’s fine I-it wasn’t your fault, I get pushed a lot- and I really don’t think you’re a freak, I was just laughing cause I didn’t really know what to do-“

“No yeah I get it.” He replies cutting me off, and thank god he did. 

There’s a silence.

“Sooooo, what happened to your arm?” He asked pointing to my cast.

I look down at the bulky white material engulfing my arm. I couldn’t help but nervously pick at the tatty ends in the last couple of days, it’s become sorta my nervous habit.

“Oh me? Oh I fell-“

He stared at me prodding me on-

“Out of a tree.” I finished

He laughed, oh god, “You fell out of a tree? That’s like- the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” 

I swallowed and nodded trying to laugh with him, it’s not his fault he doesn’t know how easily I get hurt, “no- yeah I know it is.” 

When he finished laughing he narrowed his eyes on my cast, almost inspecting it. I straightened up and moved my arm to hold the straps of my backpack. I never know what to do with my hands, having a backpack gives you a not-awkward place to put them. 

“No ones signed it.” He finally says

I sucking in a breath I reply shakily,  
“I know.” 

His hand wanders to the desk the printer is on and grabs a sharpie out of a pencil holder. 

“I’ll sign it.”

“Really? I mean- you really don’t have to.”

He grabs my arm anyway, I watch as he starts to write. When he’s finished he throws the sharpie back into the holder.  
I look down at it, his name is written all across the front of the cast.

“Oh- Um thanks-“ I smile trying to show him I appreciated it, even though I’m not really psyched to have Jared tease me about the school shooter signing my cast. I checked the time on my phone. 

“Shit- I uh- I gotta go. Bye.” I mumbled stuffing my phone in my back pocket, And turning to leave

“Wait! This is yours right?” He grabs my letter off the printer. 

I almost had a heart attack, I wrote about Zoe Murphy, my crush since middle school and Connor’s sister. 

“Oh yeah that’s mine!!” I rush to grab it out of his hands before he can read it, “thanks!” 

As I turn to leave I notice there’s something scrawled on the bottom of the page, a number.

“Wait is this your number?” I asked him

He shrugged, “figured we could both pretend to have friends, what do I have to lose?” 

I nodded excitedly, someone actually wanted to be my friend?  
“well I’ll talk to you later Connor!” I yelled at him as I exited.

Maybe it wasn’t such a terrible day after all.


	2. Evan goes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: anxiety attack

“Hold on, hold on. Let me get this straight. CONNOR MURPHY, signed, your fucking cast?” He cackled with a shit-eating grin. 

Connor was right, Jared was really, really, annoying. But he still felt sick to his stomach for agreeing with him. Jared was his fr- family friend, he couldn’t just be rude to him. I sat down next to him at the table in the back.

“Yeah… he asked to so- uh-“ I peered over at Zoe’s table, “I mean it would be rude… not to…” 

His nose crinkled in disbelief, “Dude, he pushed you! It would be totally fine if you didn’t let him.” 

I glared at him, “Well- no one else signed it so I didn't want to look like a complete loser.” I hesitated before continuing, “Speaking of which Jared do you wanna sign-“ 

“Hey I’m going to go sit with some other people you cool with that?” He asked obviously not listening at all as he grabbed his backpack and lunch tray. 

My heart sank a bit, “No yeah… that’s fine.” I replied. 

He didn’t even wait to hear the end of it. I watched as he joined a different table leaving me alone in the corner. 

I forced myself to look away, and grabbed my notebook out of my backpack. Figured I could start on my next letter so it doesn’t take two hours to write again. I noticed my last letter was stuffed sloppily into the side of the notebook. 

Sliding out of the side my eyes drifted to the number on the bottom. I contemplated texting Connor many times last night, but I figured it would come off as stalkerish or weird. I sighed and slid it back into the notebook. 

I folded my arms on the table and put my head in them, This day wasn’t as bad as most, but I still felt so emotionally and physically drained, night terrors kept keeping me awake at night and I hadn’t actually slept longer than an hour in a few days.

Not to mention Jared has been more annoying lately. Almost as if he doesn’t even care about me anymore. Not that I believe he even did from the beginning. He claims the only reason he hangs out with a nerd like me is so his mom will pay for his car insurance. 

Nothing is working to help my anxiety either. Not therapists, not breathing exercises, and definitely not school. It’s gotten so bad I can’t even order a pizza anymore, or even text someone who gave me their number.

My eyes start to water and my breathing gets faster. God I must look like the most depressing thing ever. The nerd in the back of the lunch room with no friends crying. 

I grab my bag and decide to get outta there before I actually start to have an attack. 

I ran to a random bathroom, avoiding two boys in fighting near the English classrooms and locked myself in to the biggest stall, sitting in the corner tears streaming down my face as my breathing got faster and faster. No no no no no no no. My brain doesn’t know what to focus on, everything was a blur.

My chest tightened and I choked, feeling like I was suffocating under the pressure.

You should have climbed higher.

You’re such a burden on everyone.

No one cared if I disappeared tomorrow, I was just barely in the background kind of guy. The loser who can’t do anything right. The loser who can’t even properly kill himself. 

The loser who can’t eat because if he tries he will throw it all up. The loser who can’t order a pizza, the loser who is such a burden on their mom. 

No- I need to think positive thoughts.  
Connor wanted your number? That’s good right?  
Your mom pays to help with your anxiety, you need to show her your doing better.  
Zoe talked to you the other day.

Everything seemed to slow a bit. Not entirely, but it wasn’t as bad. I try to focus on sounds. Yeah… that helped right? A thing I found on wiki how or something. 

I listened in on the sounds, a door opening, water running, footsteps. My brain was still spinning but a bit less intense now, okay what else? What do I feel? The cold tile on my skin, my oversized polo shirt. Okay what else? 

After trying my best to calm down I sighed and grabbed my ‘weird off brand phone’ as Jared likes to call it and texted my mom, 

Evan: Hey can I go home today, had an attack in the bathroom.

There short and sweet. Just enough to get her worried enough to take me out of school but not too worried that she would involuntarily hospitalize me. 

Heidi:of course honey. I’ll contact the school now. I’m not going to be home till Sunday, so make sure you eat.

Evan: okay.

And that was it. Alright. I picked up my bag off the gross bathroom floor, checked myself in the mirror to make sure i looked okay, and headed to the office. 

“Connor! This is you’re fifth fight you’ve been in in just four months. If you don’t control your temper you’re going to end up in juvie.” I overheard the office lady say, she was filling out a paper as a connor sat across from her in one of the plastic chairs. 

I stood in the doorway for a minute while waiting for the lady to notice me, unfortunately Connor did instead. I did everything I could to look at the bright yellow walls instead of meeting his eyes.

She looked up at me finally, “Oh hello Evan, your mom said you were going home? Something about an anxiety attack?” She asked 

I gulped making quick eye contact with Connor, then turning back to the lady “y-yeah.” 

She nodded, “alright. Do you have a ride home?”

I shifted my arms to hold my backpack straps trying to seem at least a little put together. 

“No, I was going to Uh- walk.” I replied quickly. 

She called me over then handed me a pink half sheet, “you’re mom needs to sign that. Bring it back by Friday.” She smiled at me.

“A-actually- my mom wont be home till Sunday …..” she looked confused, “nursing classes” he finished 

“What about your father?”

Evan bit the inside of his cheek, “o-out of the picture.” 

“Oh dear, I’m sorry.” There it was again- Pity. “Here, you can’t bring it back by Monday then.” She said crossing something off then writing something else in its spot with her pen.

“Yeah thanks.” I grabbed the paper and left the room awkwardly making eye contact with Connor again, who kept a straight face. 

I groaned as I left the building- today was such a terrible day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so that was depressing, anyway love you all!!! ❤️


	3. Connor decides to try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan: well, maybe you can get to know me? I mean you don’t have to but- yeah.
> 
> Connor: you know what? I think i will.
> 
> Evan: yeah?
> 
> Connor: yeah. Goodnight hansen.

Evan: hey is this connor??

Of course it was connor, who else would it be? I cursed myself and threw my phone on his bed. I slammed my notebook down on my desk and tried to get to work on another therapy letter. 

I tapped my pen thinking of something to say, just something to say. These were supposed to be my honest thoughts, but I can’t even be honest with myself. I can’t tell myself what really happened in July- how I- you know...

My phone buzzed on the bed and I practically jumped over to to respond. 

Connor: yeah. Oh and by the way we’re partners in Social Studies, since you skipped out on the class and no one wanted to be my partner I’m paired up with you. 

Why did he say that like it was a bad thing? Was being my partner really that terrible?

Evan: Oh okay! What’s the report on? :-)

Might as well be nice, I was taken aback when he replied almost immediately.

Connor: Alexander Hamilton or some shit idk. 

I suddenly got really excited, I know the history of Hamilton extremely well. You know- being a Musical theatre nerd and all. I can’t let him know I’m that excited though- musicals weren't cool right?

Evan: oh okay. Should we meet up sometime?

This time he took a while to respond, 

Connor: why the duck not. I can do anytime I’m never busy. 

Connor: *fuck

Evan: how about tomorrow after school? But my moms not home so if your parents aren’t comfortable with that then I could always go to yours. 

Connor: Ok your house. 

I smiled at the screen, I hadn’t had anyone over other than Jared in years. 

Evan: cool, can I ask you a question?

Connor: shoot

Evan: what’s your favorite color?

Connor: that’s the dumbest fucking question ever

Connor: but it’s purple

Evan: Wait- it’s purple? I thought it was black?

Connor: blacks not a color it’s a shade.

Connor: plus it’s rude to assume :-)

Evan: oh I’m sorry!!

Connor: don’t be- from here on out you are not allowed to say sorry. 

Evan: I apologize.

Connor: I swear to fucking god hansen. 

Evan: lmao sorry. 

Connor: well wbu?

Evan: what?

Connor: color?

Evan: oh! Blue!

Connor: oh yeah I can see that.

Connor: well if we’re gonna be friends I might as well ask you another dumb question. What’s your hobby or something.

Evan: i uh- don’t really have one. Does worrying count? Wbu.

Connor: I like to draw, but I’m not good.

Evan: can I see a picture?

Connor: no.

Evan: pleaaaaase??

Connor: fine.

His drawings were good. Really good actually. The soft lines were carefully placed and organized tracing the almost life like face of a male. Probably Some pretty model from Pinterest. 

Evan: noooo they are amazing!! 

Connor: nope.

Evan: I can’t even draw a stick figure. 

Connor: well would you like me to teach you?

Evan: I’m pretty sure I’m a lost cause but thank you lol!!

Connor: no you’re not. 

Evan: no I am.

Connor: you’re fucking nice enough to be talking to me so no you aren’t a lost cause.

Evan: I thought we were talking about drawing?

Connor: fuck. Yeah sorry. 

Evan: thanks… though. 

Connor: oh. I mean, no problem. Anytime.

Evan: your really not that bad of a person.

Connor: wanna bet?

Evan: yeah! You asked for my number, apologized for pushing me, I mean- come on Connor you're actually pretty nice!

Connor: well how do you explain why I pushed you in the first place? How do you explain why I can’t stay sober? How do you explain how I can’t even have a decent relationship with my family cause I always fuck things up? Huh hansen? What’s so special about me?

I didn’t know how to respond, I just stared at the screen for a second before typing-

Evan: are you sober right now?

I waited for a while,

Connor: no you’re right I’m not, sorry for that I’ll leave you alone now.

Evan: no! It’s okay. You can rant to me or whatever!! Were friends remember?

Connor: I don’t even know you hansen. How am I supposed to tell you everything if I can’t trust you?

Evan: you don't have to. But if it helps you can.

Connor: it would. But I don’t know you.

Evan: well, maybe you can get to know me? I mean you don’t have to but- yeah.

Connor: you know what? I think i will.

Evan: yeah?

Connor: yeah. Goodnight hansen. 

Evan: goodnight.

Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I just want to give an important announcement.
> 
> If you feel like giving up please don’t, I’m POSITIVE you are loved and I’m sure there are so many good qualities about you. So if there’s a reason to stay alive tonight, do it for me. It’s a dark place I know, but we can always find a way to get better. And if you can’t find a way to do it for yourself, do it for everyone who loves you. 
> 
> So please, stay alive.


	4. Evans only slightly creepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I peered around the corner to the next hallway of lockers. I Probably looked like a complete creep. 
> 
> Then I spotted him, He had his signature black hoodie and ripped black skinny jeans. Locker 421 got it. 
> 
> I sucked in a breath and walked towards him avoiding all eye contact.

I already regretted trying to find Connors locker, and I hadn’t even gone through the first hallway. 

Finding him would be the first challenge, seeing as he wears black to disappear into the crowd, smart decision really. But the next challenge would be talking to him. Somehow even harder. 

I peered around the corner to the next hallway of lockers. I Probably looked like a complete creep. 

Then I spotted him, He had his signature black hoodie and ripped black skinny jeans. Locker 421 got it. 

I sucked in a breath and walked towards him avoiding all eye contact. 

“Hey Connor!” I called as a painted a hopefully approachable smile on. He whipped around almost confused why anyone was even saying his name.

“Oh- Hansen.” He stated, turning back around to grab the rest of his books. 

There was an awkward pause as he grabbed his books, people were starting to stare. 

“Erm well- I just wanted to- say hello. Ah- I’m gonna go now.” I laughed awkwardly trying to save myself and him the humiliation. 

this was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, this was a bad-

“Bullshit.” He responded slamming his locker, “We have Social Studies next. I’m walking with you.” 

I was taken aback, I mean- it’s great to have someone to walk to class with, but it felt demanding almost. 

“Okay, t-that would be great.” 

The corners of his mouth twitched into a small smile. Like he enjoyed my company but he didn’t want to show it. 

The walk to our class was painfully silent. Silent, awkward, but a lot less lonely. Still, he would trade this unbearable awkwardness for loneliness in a heartbeat. 

“So. About the report.” Connor finally pipes up halfway to the classroom, and thank god for him, I felt like I was about to lose my mind. “I need your address.” 

“Okay yeah, I’ll send to you- at lunch.” Shit shit shit. How was he going to respond to that? Back to the agonizing silence I guess. 

“Actually- i was wondering if you wanted to eat with me. At lunch.” He asked almost mumbling, like he had been waiting anxiously to ask me all day.

Was the world just deciding to be nice to me today?

“Y-yeah!” I smiled, “Where do I meet you?” I asked

“I’ll find you.” He said hiding a smirk. 

We approached the class and took our seats. 

Today was looking like it would turn out pretty good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter!!! Sorry bout that!
> 
> Love you guys!! ❤️   
> Stay safe ❤️


	5. Jared gets suspicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well- i would but- I’m thinking of trying out for a different thing…” his eyes wandered to mine.
> 
> “Oh- really? What is it?” I inquired 
> 
> He paused, “cheerleading-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: VERY slight mentions of eating disorder

“Hey nerd!” 

I groaned at the unmistakable voice of Jared Klienman, I hoped I wouldn’t run into him today.

“How’s The biggest loser in the world doing?” He asked 

I was very tempted to respond, ‘I dunno how are you.’ But that would be rude. 

“I’m fine.” 

Lies, I wasn’t fine. I always lie. It’s my way of avoiding everything. 

“Nice. Well imma sit with you today,” he said nonchalant like it wasn’t a request.

Shit.

There was no way I could get out of telling him about Connor- and there was no way I would survive to see another day if he found out. 

Sure I could lie again, I could say I was going to sit with Alana, or go to the library, but knowing jared he would follow me.

Lying couldn’t get me out of this one. 

“Um actually- I’m sitting with someone else.”

I braced for the worst.

“You’re not telling me you got a lunch date with Murphy did you?” He snorts 

“No! J-jared I’m not-“ 

“That’s what I thought! So is it just a friend date?” He wheezed

Wait is he thinking about-

“Zoe? She actually wanted to sit with you???” He was almost rolling into the ground. 

“Yeah! A-actually!” There I go again lying again. He looked skeptical, “well I gotta go!” I smiled awkwardly leaving, 

——-

(Quick Jared pov) 

I watch as Evan rushes out of the cafeteria, I groan, my other friends didn’t want to sit with me today so I had to resort to him, and now he’s gone. 

Hold on- he walked right past Zoe’s table as he left- 

What the hell?

——  
(Back to ev)

I searched around the outside of the cafeteria, Connor said he would find me? I figured Connor wouldn’t be at the steel lunch tables outside, at least I think he wouldn’t. 

Almost right on cue I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whipped around.

“Looking for someone Hansen?” Connor asked 

“C-Connor! Hey!” I smiled. I never really noticed how pretty he was. His dark brown hair caressed his thin face perfectly. 

“Well I have a lunch spot, If you wanna check it out?” He actually asked this time. 

“Yeah!” 

He lead me to a tree behind the cafeteria building, it was surprisingly quiet-

you know-

with all the kids outside screaming. And most importantly the lack or deodorant wasn’t as prominent.

“This is my spot.” He states looking down on the spot like he owns it. “And I’m sharing it with you, so you better not leak it’s fucking existence.” 

I nod, “n-no! Definitely not!!” 

“Okay cool.” He smiled, id never really seen him smile, like a genuine smile. He took out a peanut butter jelly sandwich, and took a bite. I stare at it wishing I could just take one bite without throwing up. 

How long had it been? 21 hours? 

I didn’t even notice him staring at me like I was insane. Which he has full authority to do honestly. 

“Do you have lunch?” He countered

“No-“ 

“Do you want some?” He asked holding out his sandwich, that was thoughtful but-

“No thank you.” 

I didn’t want to test my previous luck of being able to eat an entire salad and keep it down,

Still- that was 21 hours ago

“Are you sure?” He asked he looked worried, 

“Yes I’m fine.” I insisted.

He continued on his sandwich stealing quick glances here and there as I just say there awkwardly. Okay- maybe I should have eaten with Jared. 

“Well- why don't you eat?” He asked 

I really didn’t want to answer that question. What was I going to tell him? That I self harm myself by refusing to eat? That I’m not confident enough in my body image? Nope I don’t think so. So I resorted to lying.

“I didn’t have time to pack a lunch.” I responded “thanks though.” 

“It’s no problem.” He shrugged, “So- the project. Do you know anything about Hamilton?” 

“Yeah I know a bit.” 

“Thank god.” He sighed, “I was fucking panicking there for a second.” 

“Yeah… what’s the project again?” 

“Timeline of the revolution and some shit.” He threw his sandwich baggie into his messy backpack, and scooted closer, “you know anything about that?”

“Y-yeah, we just have to draw a timeline?” 

“Pretty much yeah.”

I nodded, I decided to switch the subject, “do you have a sketchbook with you?” 

“Yeah… but the drawings are really bad.” He shoved a chunk of brown hair behind his ear. 

“No! I couldn’t tell the last one apart from a real black and white picture!” I promised.

He glanced over at me, then grabbed his backpack, “fine, but only for you.” 

He handed me the square yellow book, and I flipped through the pages, the drawings were mostly incomplete, or only shaded in some areas, but very few were completely finished, either way they were beautiful. 

I noticed an almost complete portrait of a girl, she looked like Zoe. 

“Wow…. Connor….” I whispered in amazement, “these are amazing!” 

He shrugged and looked away. His ears were pink with embarrassment.

“Seriously Connor! Are you in the art club?” I asked excitedly

“No-“ 

“You should join.”

“Well- i would but- I’m thinking of trying out for a different thing…” his eyes wandered to mine.

“Oh- really? What is it?” I inquired 

He paused, “cheerleading-“

“Oh my god really???” 

He smiled and looked down at his feet, “yeah I’ve been thinking about trying out for a while but- I don’t know- a guy on a cheerleading team? Plus the fact I’m probably not even fucking good or-“

“No! You should totally try out.” I reassured him.

He smiled, “you know you might not be that bad hansen.”

I blushed- oh god- today was amazing and I didn’t want my luck to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaa cheerleader!connor is amazing FIGHT ME!!! 
> 
> Love you guys 💗 
> 
> Stay safe-


	6. Treebros connect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared: dude?
> 
> Jared: are you kidding me?
> 
> Jared: Ugh.

Connor: Wait- he actually eats bathbombs ??

Evan: YeS, 

Evan: He said they tasted like soap-

Connor: well duh- honestly I’m going to fucking tease him so much thank you for this information.

Evan: nO plEAsE!

Evan: HE TolD ME NoT To TeLl aNyoNe

Connor: Too late.

Evan: nO

———

I was suddenly in a better mood, of course not everything was fixed.

My mom still was gone a majority of the time.

Jared was still an asshole.

My anxiety and eating problems weren’t getting much better.

But everything seemed to wash away when Connor texted me. Like nothing else mattered- except him. 

We would just sit for hours doing nothing but texting each other- and he would reply almost immediately. 

In fact even working on the project was fun, mostly because I forced Connor to listen to Hamilton the whole time. He didn’t get the story- but he liked the songs.

It has been a week since I made friends with Connor, and I’m loving it more and more everyday. 

Sincerely, me

——

Jared: hey.

——

I decided not to respond to Jared- to be fair he texted me in the middle of writing my therapy letter. Basically just me talking about Connor nonstop. 

I mean he’s an asshole- and I’d much rather hang out with Connor. 

But I can’t help but feel guilty, he was my first friend- and my only friend for a while, and now I replaced him for the school emo?

I just have to keep reminding myself I don’t owe him anything. And honestly I’m doing much better without him in my life right now.

My phone buzzes and I visibly flinch before leaping for my phone, 

Connor: wanna hang out this weekend? Saturday?

My heart rises

Evan: sure :)

Connor: I’ll pick you up, 9:00?

Evan: ok, but where r u taking me

Connor: ItS A SupRIsE :-)

Evan: OoOo

Connor: OOoo iNdEeD

——-

Jared: dude?

Jared: are you kidding me?

Jared: Ugh.

——

Three missed texts from Jared. Whatever. I silence his contact and go back to watching my show.

Tomorrow’s going to be amazing!!! I can’t wait!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooOooO WhaTs ThIs?


	7. Connor learns to listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> days.
> 
> “Hey were here.” Connor shook me awake,
> 
> I jumped up, shit-
> 
> I wiped the corners of my mouth praying I wasn’t DROOLING in front of my new friend.

Connor pulled up his car at 9:08 AM. Yes- I counted. 

I know I might be slightly obsessed with him, but he’s my first real friend in years.

“Hey.” He smiled,

“Hi.” I replied, His brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun, he wore his usual hoodie and ripped jeans still-   
he looked so pretty. 

Friend pretty. I adore him- in a friendly way-

“Well- let me show you to your ride.” He motioned our the door with a smirk, I rolled my eyes and followed him. 

He opened the passenger door for me, and went around to the drivers seat.

I never thought I’d be able to have Connor open up to me and consider me as a friend this early. It’s only been- what a week and a half? I expected Connor to be hard to connect to, but he’s actually an amazing person.

He plopped into the seat and turned the key, music started to blast loudly making Connor and I visibly jump. He rushed to turn it down. Wait- was he listening to- The Black Parade my MCR at FulL VOlUmE??!!!

god he’s an emo, but a cute emo. 

“Sorry about that.” He smiled awkwardly. Looking behind him as he trailed into reverse, 

“M-my Chemical Romance?” I teased meeting his eye

“Well I gotta stock to my branding.”

Oh my god this boy.

——-

Hiedi: I came home early for dinner- but you aren’t here? Where are you??

——

I must have fallen asleep on the way there because the only thing I remember was Connor ranting about MCR and everything faded to black. Not a surprise since I haven't actually slept in a few days.

“Hey were here.” Connor shook me awake,

I jumped up, shit-

I wiped the corners of my mouth praying I wasn’t DROOLING in front of my new friend. 

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked Connor a bit embarrassed,

“Well-“ he looked down at his knuckles gripping the wheel- “you looked so peaceful- I didn’t want to-“ he trailed off, “ruin that.” 

I smiled, “well thank you- that’s probably the best sleep I’ve had in- a few days.” I chuckled. 

“Glad to be of some assistance.” He laughed as he opened up his door and stepped out

I stepped out and looked around-

“The Apple o-orchard??” I asked shivering a bit- it was cold and I didn’t grab a jacket.

He looked away blushing- “yeah- you like trees right?” 

I nodded excitedly- no one actually cared about my interests before. 

“Alamode. Is over there too- the ice cream shop…”

I laughed, “Isnt it a bit too cold for ice cream?”

He shrugged, “I love ice cream all the time- but are you cold?” He asked taking off a side of his oversized jacket.

“N- no no no no no- it’s okay you don’t have to give me your-“

“I’m not- I was wondering if you wanted to share?” He asked holding out the one side.

I met his eyes and nodded before joining him in the jacket. It smelled like vanilla and lavender and a strange earthy smell- I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“It’s cozy in here,” I smiled up at him, “I can see why you wear this all the time.” 

He chuckled- “Yeah- I’ve had this thing since middle school.” 

“Wow- middle school seems so long ago…. Oh my god remember elementary school? Small emo connor in sixth grade??”

He laughed, “so glad I’ve gotten over sixth grade.”

“Me too-“ I joined in

“Speaking of elementary school- I don't remember an Evan Hansen- but I do remember a Mark?” He more asked than stated

“Oh yeah- My real name is Mark Evan Hansen ... b- but- My Dad’s name was Mark so I changed it- during middle school.” 

Connors expression softened, “you’re dad- whats- what happened?” 

My head fell onto his shoulder, “Its just- sometimes…. people aren’t meant for each other.” 

Connor stiffened- “It was so bad you- changed your name? Do you ever see him?” 

“No- I don’t see him. He wasn’t the best father, he said things he couldn’t take back but- everything was okay- or we thought it was until- mom looked through his phone and-“ I trailed off. 

He rested his arm around my side, holding me almost protectively. 

“It’s okay- I- I get it. I’m sorry hansen-“

“It’s fine Connor- that was almost eleven years ago. I’m fine now.” I insisted, but his grip on my waist remained strong, and I didn’t mind it. We just kept walking down the path, and kept just talking about anything and everything. Everything was fine- perfect almost. 

Today was going great-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my FreInDs, Its fInALlY TREeBRoS tiMe. Wow this is gonna be a rlly slow slowburn srry bout that. I just don’t find it realistic if they fell in love RIGHT AWAY- so oop- yeh. 💗


	8. Jared gets pissy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan: sure- but like I wouldn’t fuck him.
> 
> Connor: I would totally fuck him.

Evan: that’s pretty gay connor

Connor: you HAVE to admit that Chris Hemsworth is hot though-

Evan: sure- but like I wouldn’t fuck him.

Connor: I would totally fuck him. 

Evan: oh my god you sound like jared.

Connor: THaTS OFFeNSIvE.

Connor: IM gOnNa FUcKiN CrY fOrEVer nOw ByE Ev.

Evan: NOOO we can have a crying party!

Connor: lmao I like how you think.

Evan: Haha, Wait did you do the math hw. You have Johnson right?

Connor: ye, here

Connor: [picture attached]

Evan: THaNK yOu goOd SIr

Evan: oh Connor wanna come over and spend the night? On Friday maybe?

Connor: sure, I’ll be there like an hour after school ya?

Evan: okay :-)

Connor: looking forward to it!

Evan: me too.

———

Jared: are you serious you’re ignoring me?

——-

This time I decided to respond to Jared, he had texted me a total of thirteen times over this past week and I figured it was time to stop being an ass and confirm I was alive.

Evan: yeah I was.

Jared: what the hell?

Evan: I just needed a break- I’m good now.

Jared: You just needed time with your fuck buddy? 

Evan: what are you talking about?

Jared: come on, you really think I’m retarded?

Kinda.

Jared: you walked right past Zoe’s table- then I saw you walking with Connor. I’m not stupid I know what’s going on. 

Evan: were just friends jared, and I knew you wouldn’t like that so I didn’t tell you. 

Jared: yes! Cause he’s gonna rape you!

Evan: he’s literally not though.

Evan: why do you have such a problem with him anyway?

Jared: Evan- he threw a printer at his second grade teacher, I’m not wrong for being worried.

Evan: that was fucking eleven years ago, guess what? You used to eat the soap in the classrooms but guess what? That was eleven years ago. 

Jared: it was ONE time. All I’m saying is he’s leaving an influence on you and I don’t want you to end up a pot head like him.

Evan: Uhm- no? I won’t? He would never give me weed, he says he is trying to stop.

Jared: he’s just not good for you Evan. 

Evan: and you are?

Jared: ….

Jared: yeah?

Evan: really.

Evan: okay I’m leaving.

Jared: what? What’d I do!!?

Jared: Evan?

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so irrelevant.
> 
> Anyway- hope your all having a great day cause IM NOT. :-)
> 
> Well anyway byeeeeeee


	9. Treebros stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ever since I broke up with Miguel I swore off crushes and dating. 
> 
> But god- I wish I could just hold his stupid hand and kiss his stupid lips.

Jared: look whatever I did I’m sorry okay? I don’t know dude!

Jared: look I’m super sorry!

Jared: Evan please! 

Jared: Connors cool I guess! 

Jared: EVAN PLEASE!!!! 

Jared: FUCKINGS ANSWER ME!!!

Evan: what. 

Jared: Whatever I did look Ev I’m so sorry- thinking back- I’m a total asshole so yeah I’m super sorry and like Connors cool ig but he wouldn’t be my first choice but like okay, and honestly ev I can’t live without you so stop being mad at me please!

Evan: bro I just woke up and like aaa why such long message. 

Evan: but it’s ok 

Jared: Can I sit with you now?

Evan: well uhhhhhh I’m sitting with Connor

Jared: okay I’ll meet up with you

Evan: …. okay? See you later 

——  
(Connor pov)

“Heyyyyyyyyyy! Wussup bestie?” I saw Jared hook his arm around my neck like we’ve known each other for years. 

Weird

But you never know what to expect with Jared.

“What the hell asshole?” I shoved him off me.

“First of all-“ he started pushing his glasses up his nose, “RUDe, second Evan said I could sit with y’all.”

That boy is too nice for his own good. 

“Ugh.” 

“Where the hell is Acorn??” He asked peeking over to the doors

“Acorn?? What kind of shitty ass nickname is that?” 

He looked to me as if it were obvious, “I mean he fell out of a fucking tree, wouldn’t be suprised if he humped them too.” 

“Ew your so fucking gross” I groaned, how could Evan- the innocent cute ass, (with a rather cute ass) stand this Motherfucker? God I just wish I was high. 

“There he is!!” Jared yelled and my head instantly shot up, “wassup bitch?” He went over to tackle hug Evan, who awkwardly obliged.

God he’s adorable. 

I can’t lie- I’ve developed a minor crush for the kid. Which is weird because ever since I broke up with Miguel I swore off crushes and dating. 

But god- I wish I could just hold his stupid hand and kiss his stupid lips. 

“I hope you don’t mind Connor- I know he’s kinda- uh- really annoying.” He whispered to me.

“Nah it’s okay ev.” I said my eyes darting to his lips, I hope he didn’t notice. His cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. He definitely noticed. 

“Are the boyfriends done flirting yet?” Jared cackled. 

Our eyes broke apart, and Evan muttered some lame excuse. 

Ugh I’m going to hate every second of this lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for filler chapter I don’t know if it’s any good so comment if you want me to keep writing. Luv you!


	10. Evan and platonic hand holding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay- uh fuck. 
> 
> I’m in love with Connor. 
> 
> There I said it.

Okay- uh fuck. 

I’m in love with Connor. 

There I said it. 

I didn’t even realize it. But I’ve loved him for longer than I can remember. 

It’s been- two, three months? And I don’t remember a single part of them without me feeling a beyond platonic love for him. 

Fuck.

At first i was like- okay Evan- this is just a brotherly love. Like I love him as a friend. 

But- 

How could explain my weird desire to kiss him? 

Friends don’t feel that torwards each other.

Do they?

No the dont. 

Another problem is that I’ve begun to imagine him in- more intamite ways and I hate my brain for it. 

But he’s just so- fucking beautiful. 

Of course even if Connor was into guys why would he like me? I dont really have much to offer really. 

My eyes are too far apart, my head is weirdly shaped, my nose is too small, and to top it all off. My ugly body. 

I’ve stared at myself in the mirror far far too long just criticizing the unideal details of my face and body. 

Just to remind me-

He doesn’t want you.

“Ev- you alive?” 

My thoughts are interrupted by Connors voice. I was staring at my rooms wall as Connor sketched in his book on my bed.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” I replied turning to him.

Fuck.

He’s just so pretty. His brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun. Which was- unbelievably hot. 

I’m sure my face was insanely red.

“Well wanna watch a movie or sum-?” He suggested closing his yellow sketchbook and sliding awkwardly off my bed, landing on his knees on the floor. 

God he’s such a dork

I smiled down at him, “sure.” 

He smirked grabbing my hand and pulled me down with him. Making an embarrassing squeak I landed next to him, one leg on his lap. 

“Connor!” I exclaimed laughing. 

He used his hands propelling himself up, “Well? Do you need me to carry you?” He asked me, as I was still on the floor. 

He didn’t wait for my reply, instead he picked me off the carpet bridal style.

“cOnNoR.” I kicked my legs and held onto his neck. 

Fuck I love him. 

“I got ya.” He smirked, literally fucking carrying me down the stairs. 

Okay okay okay calm down this is platonic. Platonic. Platonic. 

He plopped me down on our old grey couches. Then he sat next to me. 

Platonic.

Turning on Netflix and flicking through the movies. 

“Can we watch a Horror movieeee pleeaasseee.” He asked whining a little. 

Fuck..

I mean I really love horror as a genre but what if I get scared and like, have a night terror? During a sleepover? That’s weird right?

“Yeah that’s cool.” 

Platonic

“This one?” He flicked the remote over some demonic movie. His blue and brown eyes met mine. 

I nodded, it’s easier than saying anything. 

He clicked the remote then relaxed against the back of the couch, and took the hair tie out of his hair. 

He’s so weird. But I fucking love him.

Platonic Evan. This is platonic. 

The movie was lame, Then again they were only halfway through. Connor seemed very interested though, his beautiful eyes stuck to the small screen. 

Mine were stuck on him. 

It’s always him.

Maybe if you just- move your leg- on his leg, he won’t notice.

My heart beated faster, then I shifted my leg ever so slightly. 

Platonic. 

Now my leg was against his. 

Okay

He hasn’t said anything- so-

What if you accidentally grabbed his hand at a scary part?

Fuck okay.

Why am I doing this? Is this considered flirting? What the fuck Evan?

Okay the protagonist is in a dark room- a jump scare is bound to happen at any moment. Okay- I can do this. 

The jump scare is seconds away

All you have to do is move your hand a tiny bit- that’s it.

Alright. 

The not very scary jumpscare popped on the screen, I pretended to flinch and grabbed Connors hand. 

Fuck okay I did it. 

“O-oh Sorry!” I turned to Connor, I was way too shaky. 

To my surprise he didn’t say anything but gripped back. 

Wait what? 

He’s openly holding my hand?

Totally platonic hand holding. 

Yep. 

Okay. 

Today is going to be weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo
> 
> EDIT; Lmao a Lovley commenter sent me this.  
> https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw   
> pls watch it’s basically the chapter


	11. Connor makes ramen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bet.” 
> 
> Wait- that’s not how this was supposed to go.
> 
> Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: SLIGHTEST mentions of eating disorderS

Totally platonic hand holding. 

Yep. 

  
  
  
  


His grip on my hand left me even less interested in the movie. In fact now my brain could only focus on him. 

The creases of his hand as he held mine.

  
  


The only problem was I could  _ feel  _ the moisture building up on my palms. He probably thinks I’m gross. I mean first me obviously  _ intentionally  _ holding his hand. Next- the sweat. 

My hand wouldn’t have been sweaty if I hadn’t  _ thought  _ about it being sweaty. 

He’s probably really grossed out. 

But his grip reamained strong. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ …….Maybe?? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ No. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ This is platonic.  _

  
  
  


How could you even  **think** he would be into you? He would never be into the sweaty anxious mess that is you. 

  
  
  


Why did you think this was a good idea? Grabbing your best friends hand? While your watching a horror movie. 

  
  
  
  
  


_ Im so fucking stupid.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Through all this my thoughts always returned to his thumb tracing circular patterns on my hand 

  
  


_ Focus Evan  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


This is fine.

  
  
  


Everything’s fine 

  
  
  


Just platonic hand holding while watching a horror movie. 

  
  
  


_ Not like we’re being a complete romantic stereotype.  _

  
  


My eyes flick to Connor. Hopefully he doesn’t notice me staring. Thank god he was just so  _ into  _ the movie.

  
  
  
  


_ Honestly evan-  _ If he really liked you back he wouldn’t be so inraptured with the film. He probably finds the fucking television more sexually enlightening than you. 

  
  
  


I didn’t even realize the movie ended. Until Connor let go of my hand. 

  
  
  


“I didn’t know you found that movie  _ that  _ scary.” He joked 

  
  


Oh. 

  
  
  
  
  


That’s it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


That’s the only reason. 

  
  
  


“Yeah sorry… I just get scared easily.” I tried to put on a convincing smile. The whole time he was just doing it to comfort me. It was actually platonic after all. 

  
  


“It’s alright Hansen. I’ll  _ gladly  _ hold your hand whenever you get spooked.” He smirked, “dinner? I can make ramen.”

  
  
  


“Isn’t that the only thing you can make?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“It’s my specialty!” He defended. 

  
  
  


I snorted and pushed him off the couch. I really don’t feel like eating, but I’ll just eat a little for Connor. He doesn’t know about  _ that  _ yet anyway. 

  
  


He went to make the ramen, then I remebered a conversation from a little while ago. 

“Cheerleading tryouts are soon.” I brought up. He mentioned wanting to join cheerleading when I first met him. 

  
  


He looked up from the hot pan, “So is musical theatre.” 

  
  


“And your point is?” 

  
  


He scoffed, “you should try out! Youre so good at singing. And you love musicals!” 

I blushed, he liked my singing?

“Fine.” I smiled

Yeah no I’m definetly not doing that but-

“Only if you try out for cheerleading!” I finished.

“Bet.” 

_ Wait- that’s not how this was supposed to go. _

_ Fuck _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapter names are getting more and more irrelevant


End file.
